Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
