Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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