there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
