I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
