he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
