Got a toothbrush?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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