went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
