you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize