I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
