jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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