D3 body, D1 cock
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
