All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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