Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
