Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
