MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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