if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sorry about my life...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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