we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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