I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
