you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize