dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
