I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
