wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize