Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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