Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
