Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
