Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Randomize