The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize