"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
