Don't you send me to vm
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
His hands were made for my vagina.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
