I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
