This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
