I want to walk on stilts...naked
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize