she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize