I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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