Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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