fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Panties = found
Randomize
