Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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