every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
