I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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