my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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