I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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