He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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