Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
