I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
