i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
