how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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