he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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