I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
