its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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