The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
