dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
