I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
