She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize