Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
