so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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