Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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