areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
