Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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