you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
