checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
