Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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