From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
