hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
