i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
