I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
