is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
