Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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