You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
