Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
