oh god the rape fog is back!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
