GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i think i scared a bird with my dick
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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