This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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