Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
