either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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