nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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