I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
