now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So much rum. So many feels.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
